Something Beautiful

"Hey now, this is my desire
Consume me like a fire, 'cause I just want something beautiful
To touch me, I know that I'm in reach'
Cause I am down on my knees,
I'm waiting for something beautiful

And the water is risin' quick
And for years I was scared of it
We can't be sure when it will subside
So I won't leave your side, no I can't leave your side"

-Something Beautiful by Needtobreathe


This has become my theme song lately. I reached a bit of a roadblock last week. As Josh put it, I was "jacked up." I was not myself. I don't know if it's connected to my hormones, or just the crazy freak year that I've had. I've had a lot of major life events in a short amount of time: going from living with my parents with a 10pm curfew to moving out on my own, having a serious relationship, starting my first real job... getting fired from that job, changing churches, dealing with parents who have a hard time adjusting, having a grandparent with a serious illness, not being able to find a new job...it added up quickly.

I don't want to be like this. I want to be the happy, self discovered, loving, grounded Jennifer that I am most of the time, all the time. So, I reached a turning point. I confided in my grandmother and my mom. I had a long and hard talk with the man I love. And, I reached a decision within myself. I have to do this for me. I WANT to do it for me.

So, I'm going to counseling. New counselor, new qualifications. I'm visiting my dr to talk about hormone issues and see if I can get my emotions leveled out. I'm discovering myself, and learning to fully rely on God and his provision and peace. I'm excited about getting well... maybe completely for the first time ever. I have faith that God can and will do this for me.

I am so thankful that He has blessed me with a man that loves me through my weaknesses. Someone who supports me when it's hard, and is patient when I'm not myself. I am excited to see what God will do to bring us closer together and closer to Him through this. I know that He has a plan and a purpose, even when I don't understand it. Life is good, and love is great, and God is even better.

Stay tuned: something beautiful is on the way :)